Heather-Ann Higgins is expected to briefly become a cult hero after her blood alcohol content was confirmed by Victoria Police to be .462. The incident was reportedly so severe that Ms. Higgins’s hat was later retrieved from a nearby tree, at least six metres from the ground. It has not been confirmed if this was related to the automotive accident.

‘I was dumbfounded, to put it politely,’ Victoria Police Constable Phil Frith said, presumably regarding the blood alcohol content and not the location of Ms. Higgins’s hat.

‘I rang forensic science straight away to confirm it and they said it was definitely correct.’

While numerous important matters were no doubt discussed before a whiteboards and poignant cartoons, the one that has remained a talking point in the week since has been the possibility of Australians once more having the opportunity to vote on whether the country should remain a monarchy or embrace change as a new republic. As yet, no dates have been set for official discussions on the topic, but the matter must surely be weighing heavily on the mind of newly elected Governor General Quentin Bryce.

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd with Quentin Bryce (AAP: Alan Porritt)

Only a week before the summit, Bryce, the Governor of Queensland, from the sheep farming town of Ilfracombe, Queensland, was celebrating her impending promotion to the position, and gaining the praise of the likes of Deputy Prime Minister Julia Gillard and collapsing current affairs host Jill Singer. However, if a referendum decided that Australia were to sever ties with England’s royal family, this would make the position of Governor General redundant.

Perhaps of more concern should be the fact that Ms. Bryce’s brooch is made of contraband substance Bindeez. The children’s art toy distributed by Moose Enterprises was recalled nation-wide prior to Christmas in 2007 after it was revealed, through a number of children’s trial and unintentional error, that the beads in the product metabolised into the recreational drug GHB. Leader Newspapers reported ‘pandemonium’ at K-Mart in Westfield Shopping Centre Southland, with up to two trolley loads of the toy being returned in a week.